I Will Never Forget

    

    Before having kids, the thought of going through labor and delivery scared the hell out of me! I've heard so many different stories and really didn't know what to believe or expect. I just knew that everyone's experience is different. When I was pregnant with Lianna, the months were so long, and the symptoms were kicking my ass. Little did I know, my blood pressure was high for most of my pregnancy. I felt like the doctor's ignored it and wasn't doing their job. I also felt like everything could have been avoided. The correct term for high blood pressure during pregnancy is "Pre-Eclampsia". It can be very dangerous and life threatening. Ask me how do I know? From experience, a heartbreaking one at that. Once January 2024 came, which was the month of my due date, I was getting more and more excited. I was planning to get Lianna's bassinet together, wash her clothes; I was starting to "nest". Unfortunately, on January 9th, 2024, I had a seizure. The term for a seizure because of Pre-Eclampsia during pregnancy is "Eclampsia". I was then rushed to the hospital. Everything that happened is still a blur, but I remember the important things that happened. I remember being in the hospital bed and staring at the ultrasound screen trying to find my baby girl's heartbeat. I did not see it after being so used to seeing it at every appointment. The doctors then told me that there was no heartbeat and that my Lianna was gone. At that moment, everything changed. My heart was broken, the world seemed so dark, and I was a different woman. Being as though I was so far along, I still had to give birth which was the hardest thing that I could possibly do. The idea of going through labor and delivery and knowing that my Babygirl was no longer alive was my painful reality. I went through induction, contractions, lack of sleep and pushing. All while still trying to recover from the seizure. I've never felt so strong in my entire life. Holding my Lianna and looking at her face made me understand the love that I had and still have for her. I did not want to let her go. I felt like a mama but at the same time, I felt like I didn't have the opportunity to actually show my love and take care of her the way I wanted to. And to watch her learn and grow or even experience her personality. After that, I was so desperate for another child, I really wanted to give her a sibling. I tried to get pregnant again and it worked! During my second pregnancy, I was "high risk". I had multiple appointments and ultrasounds to make sure my baby and I were okay. This time, my induction was planned for December 10th, 2025. However, I had to be induced early due to the decision of my doctors. Before it started, I had what I like to call, "my last meal". It was boneless buffalo wings and other stuff that I cannot remember. Now, that hospital food was actually good! I was in labor for about 24 hours, more or less. I even reached 6.5 centimeters dilated because they could not get my epidural in place. Trust me when I say that pain was horrible. At that point, I just wanted to go natural but I'm glad that I didn't; to be honest. They tried 4 different times, and I was definitely in tears. Until finally, they called in a specialist that placed it while I was laying down, after getting a painkiller through my IV. Once the medicine started to kick in, I felt a lot better. Once the doctors broke my water, my Babyboy, Bryson, was here in no time. Seeing and feeling him on my chest, I definitely changed.... AGAIN. Everything felt so real. His cry warmed my heart and I just knew, life would get better. I see Lianna in Bryson all the time, like every damn day, my two beautiful children. Beautiful combinations of their mama and papa. And I will be completely honest when I say this, I will do pregnancy and give birth again and again. Not right now because I need some time, but eventually. This is my story of becoming a mama, I remember it like it happened yesterday. I will always keep Lianna's name alive, I wear her ashes in a necklace all the time. I even dyed my locs to dedicate to and represent my children.

I love my babies and I love myself, always.

I am sharing my story so other mothers can be aware of things that can happen during pregnancy. Please pay attention to your body and ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF! Thank you for reading!